The other day I was over at my ministry partner Phil's house. We had just eaten lunch, and were about to begin some planning discussions, etc. But first, Phil had to yell at his dog, who was barking in the back yard. His dog is Tiny, and he is tiny. He's a miniature dachshund. Tiny and I have gotten along fine in the past, but this day he was barking and looking rather ticked off.
As Phil tried to get him to shut up, I walked up. "Hey there Tiny! It's just me. Your old friend, Paul." Then, like I've done with hundreds of dogs I've met in my life, I stuck out my right hand to let him smell me.
Tiny bit it.
Ok, so he just nipped my index knuckle, but it still smarted pretty good. Drew some blood, but otherwise no major damage. Phil made the apologies, punished the dog, and then we went about the rest of our meetings.
But the story doesn't end there.
You see, after I came home, I didn't feel so good, so I laid down for a nap. I had strange and troubling dreams. When I awoke, I discovered that somehow I now possessed the proportionate strength and speed of a wiener dog. Which is to say, not that much different from what I had before.
Apparently Tiny was radioactive or genetically modified or a mutant or whatever they do nowadays, and by biting me he passed that on radio-modified-mutation thingamajiggy to me. In addition to my speed and strength, I'm now unable to keep from jumping up on the couch (although my back hurts when I jump back off it). I have a tremendous urge to dig through the garbage. And the yapping. I can't stop yapping.
But don't worry, I've decided to use my powers for good. Just call me your friendly neighborhood Wienerdog-Man.
--Paul
Posted by paul at December 15, 2003 09:57 AM